In a world of coaches – business, life, manifestation, sales, spirituality, nutrition, intuition, fitness and even orgasm coaches – Tam Hayward is the kind we really need right now: a self-worth and abundance coach.
Tam coaches women who struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth issues on how to embody their value, and develop beliefs deeply rooted in self-acceptance and possibility. Here, she shares with GH writer Ondela Mlandu how she empowers women to go after their dreams and fulfil their mission.
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Today are you being the badass woman that you were too lazy to be yesterday? ⠀⠀ Another year may come and go and you may sit down and wonder to yourself where the hell the time went? Why didn’t you do more of what you love and less of what you hate? ⠀⠀ See, you’re not born into a butterfly, it’s something you grow into. I’m not here to fool you and say it’s gonna happen overnight, but I’m here to tell you it’s worth not waiting another whole year to finally chose YOU. ⠀⠀ If you’re serious about growing into that badass butterfly and preparing for the most magnificent decade of your life, I’m your go-to girl. ⠀⠀ I am a Life Purpose Coach. The most important job you will ever undertake is the job of discovering he REAL you! ⠀⠀ I know you have a purpose, but do you? ⠀⠀ I am now running Zoom 1:1 coaching calls, so if you’re dead serious, drop me a message and we can holla at your dreams. But PLEASE, don’t waste our time if you can’t commit because I don’t work with quitters! ⠀⠀ Follow my page to learn more about me & DM me for a session. My rates are USD $60 p/h.
Why self-worth and abundance coaches are so important RN…
“I can’t tell you how many women out there have put their dreams on the back burner because they believe that being employed is far ‘safer’ and more ‘secure’,” says Tam. Many women are terrified to want more from life because they are so used to putting other people ahead of themselves. Women all face similar challenges when it comes to developing a healthy self-esteem. Low self-esteem infiltrates all aspects of life, including how much you’re earning, how capable you are of taking care of your own needs before meeting the needs of others, and the way in which you view yourself in relation to the rest of the world around you.
“I run a one-on-one, three-month coaching programme for women who struggle to value themselves and acknowledge their own potential. I also host a monthly membership for female business owners to access affordable, ongoing coaching support,” says Tam.
“Accessing coaching support as a business owner is often seen as a luxury, but without getting the necessary support, most of these women felt burnt out, overwhelmed and their mental health took a toll. As soon as I realised this, I knew I had to do something about it. I thought about all the women struggling by themselves late at night and I knew that if I could impact just one of those women’s lives and help her become successful, I’d accomplished my goal,” she says.
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Getting into the coaching industry…
Tam says the coaching industry is not regulated, which is both a blessing and a curse. “Anyone can call themselves a coach, even without receiving any formal training. But it’s essential that anyone wanting to get into this industry understands that you’re dealing with people and their problems,” she adds.
1/ You need to have the drive to show up daily for your clients, with empathy and an understanding of human nature. What sets excellent coaches apart from others is the aspiring coach’s interest and commitment to mastering their niche and undergoing as much training as possible to ensure they are doing no harm to their clients.
2/ I have an undergraduate degree in Psychology, which is where my training comes from. I also studied Reiki and did my Yoga Teacher Training to broaden my knowledge about Eastern philosophy. Aspiring coaches need to have a drive to learn and a hunger for knowledge about different approaches to living. This is what allows me to bring different perspectives to my coaching practice.
Here’s how to become an abundance coach
1/ Look to people in the industry who are already doing something in line with what you’d like to do and ask them to point you in the right direction. There isn’t a one size fits all internship for coaches because, as I mentioned, you can find a coach on any topic under the sun!
2/ Tam suggests reaching out, asking questions, seeking support and mentorship, and taking action no matter what. This industry is what you make of it. “[If you want] to become a coach, I suggest receiving coaching [yourself]. We all need a sounding board and that person we can turn to for support when the going gets tough because the going will get tough,” she says.
3/ Being a coach means you’re always giving of yourself energetically. It’s so important for aspiring coaches to have reached a point in their own personal growth where they’re able to take on other people’s ‘stuff’. “In order to coach with integrity, you need to make sure you are mentally fit and prepared,” says Tam.
Having an online presence is essential
Having a focused niche and being able to communicate what you do through your online platform will ensure people notice you. “You have got to showcase yourself as the expert and build your brand by giving your audience a feel for your personality. Your potential customers want to see the real you. Remember, you’re working with real people who have real problems that need solving,” says Tam.
The truth about a start-up business…
In the first six months of running her business, Tam had two clients. Despite the slow start, she kept behaving as though she had a waiting list. “I took myself and my business seriously and dedicated my day to finding solutions to my challenges. I also learned to trust the timing of my life,” she says. When you trust yourself to make the best decisions for your business, things seem to work out, and support arrives in weird and wonderfully unexpected ways.
Most treasured life lessons
You can’t take your clients where you haven’t gone.
“Before starting my coaching business, I had a lot of personal tribulations to resolve. I had to heal the trauma of losing my folks at the age of 12. I spent 15 years running away from myself and my pain. I decided to get sober at the beginning of 2019 in order to really face my life. I had spent years numbing my pain and using substances as a coping mechanism. I knew that in order to help others heal, I needed to heal first,” she says.
Look out for yourself before looking out for others.
“This is the same idea communicated in aeroplane safety demonstrations: Put your mask on first before assisting others. In order to lead others, we first need to know how to lead ourselves,” says Tam.
5 Life lessons by Tam
1/ Don’t allow anyone to tell you that you can’t do something. The world is not a scary place. When you truly believe in yourself, people are attracted to you and you will find the support to fulfil your mission. “Of course, you will come across people who don’t understand you, but that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them,” she says.
2/ Surround yourself with a tribe of people who support you. Stop shrinking yourself in places you’ve outgrown. Get really honest with yourself about which of your friends deserve a front-row seat to your life.
3/ It’s okay to let toxic, negative people go because if you keep them around, you will become one of them and in order to get what you’ve never had, you’re going to have to do what you’ve never done.
4/ The going will get tough, but you have got to remember who you are and why you started. Having a “why” will get you through the days when you don’t believe in yourself.
5/ Make peace with the fact that some days you will doubt everything. On those days, just remember that your ego is trying to trick you into staying in your comfort zone. Don’t buy into the “stories” your ego will tell you because your ego will try to convince you that you can’t, aren’t qualified, that nobody cares and that you don’t deserve to succeed.
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This has quite possibly felt like the most intensely testing month of my sobriety. I’ve been lead to believe that having that drink will make me a more fun person, a little more at ease within myself. I’ve been lead to believe that it will relax me and help me to connect with the people around me. Because drinking used to do that for me, it’s like my cells settled down a little with their first sip on the illustrious white wine that accompanied me at every occasion. It’s still all too familiar. I’m desperately trying to create some space in my life to breathe into my being. To find peace in the normal and the sober. Sober is real, its an in between moment feeling. It is so loud and clear and bright and sometimes it’s such a effervescent experience that I want to shy away from it. Being sober is the period at the end of a sentence. It’s that deep breath in. And then out. It’s the second before aircraft touch down. It’s riveting and so damn requiring of my attention. It’s so. Damn. HARD. I want to crawl out of my skin at times. Because it is just too much. The space I’m creating is stretching me and I feel like I can’t breathe, and while gasping for air, I remember that I’m doing this because I deserve more. I deserve more than coming home to the critic every Sunday evening ready to repent and once again say I’m sorry. I’m tired of saying sorry to myself for facing yet another regretful night of forgetfulness. I want to start saying Thank you instead. Thank you to myself for being enough just as I am. Thank you to myself for choosing more. Thank you to myself for making the more difficult decisions. They say the words that you use really matter and what takes center stage in your mind is what you attract. I don’t want to attract things I need to forgive myself for. God only knows how much I have to be thankful for and it starts just today with a morning waking up sober, grateful that I was able to really be with the whole spectrum of myself. The festive season is no doubt going to be my biggest challenge in sobriety yet, and while I realize it is not going to be easy, I know that in time I will be able to look back and recognize that I have chosen enoughness.
A book every woman should read…
Mindfulness and self-care
Tam uses meditation, breath work and walks as a means for self-care. “I am a highly sensitive person. This means that I’m susceptible to anxiety and picking up on other people’s emotions. It’s very easy for me to ‘take on’ other people’s stuff because I feel everything so deeply,” she says.
“Meditation allows me to separate what is mine, versus what I don’t need to carry. The breath work helps me to calm down when I start feeling overwhelmed. Walking connects me to nature, which soothes my soul and gives me perspective. Whenever I feel overwhelmed with something in my business, I go for a walk and look up to the trees. Looking up often helps us gain a new perspective,” she says.
All these practices give Tam a deep sense of connection to herself and this connection is where she can tap into her intuition and know her best way forward.
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I’ve been sitting with some MAJOR anxiety this week. Just a general feeling of knots on my stomach and shortness of breath. I’ve noticed that my anxiety flares up when my PERFECTIONISM flares up. My perfectionism is rooted in the idea that faster is better, that I’m running out of time, that I “should” be further along. It’s that “get rich quick” anticipation and instant gratification kinda mental talk that my body is telling me NO LONGER SERVES ME. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’m such a big believer in the body keeping score. I believe that our bodies hold intelligence beyond what the mind can think. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So this is my sign to slow the F down, spend more time being still with myself and trusting that everything is working out divinely. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What have you noticed about your anxiety? What is your anxiety trying to tell you about what’s going on for you? ? @gypsydreamsphotography . . . #anxietyawareness #anxietyrecovery #anxietymanagement #anxietyissues #thebodykeepsthescore #emotionalintelligence #emotionalhealth #selfcare #selfsteem #perfectionistproblems #emotionalhealthmatters #emotionalhealing #emotionalawareness #coachingforwomen